travel insurance protection insured trip abroad security

Author Topic: Your naughty joke for the day  (Read 39574 times)

bol-anon nga cebuano

  • DIPLOMAT
  • LUMINARY
  • *****
  • Posts: 6773
  • in true friendship, forgetfulness has no place...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #160 on: May 18, 2010, 10:11:51 PM »
BF: pa kiss langga
GF: naunsa ka? nagdrive ka diha gusto ka mabangga ta? ako nalang ang kiss nimo.
BF: O sige, ikaw nalang kiss nako
GF: ay mauwaw man ko, piyong sa kadyot.
"The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it."

Lazada.com.ph Search ProductsBooking.com Hotel Search | SitemapRSS Feeds


statesville

  • EXPERT
  • ***
  • Posts: 3339
  • The best daily exercise -- walk with the Lord.
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #161 on: May 29, 2010, 01:59:05 AM »
Billy Bob & the Frog
Billy Bob is 77 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one. img1.gif
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your woman!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
  " Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.


hofelina

  • DONOR
  • GURU
  • *****
  • Posts: 10009
  • Always look at the bright side of life!
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #162 on: May 29, 2010, 04:48:12 AM »
this is actually a funny email;

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60s & 70s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love...I will.

 


 
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not  break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being  imperfect.

 


 
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.


So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

 


As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel  like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

 


 
Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off!!!
 
 


hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #163 on: May 29, 2010, 08:25:16 AM »
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

Ah, there's the rub. Moabot ra pud ang ilang panahon...
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln


hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #164 on: May 29, 2010, 08:30:10 AM »
Billy Bob & the Frog
Billy Bob is 77 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one. img1.gif
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your woman!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
  " Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."



He he, I'm still far from being 77 but I guess I'll do the same. It's easier to find a beautiful woman than a talking frog. ;D
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln


wolfpack823

  • EXPERT
  • ***
  • Posts: 2055
  • “If you call one wolf, you invite the pack”
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #165 on: May 29, 2010, 09:13:46 AM »
( I think this is funny, no offense to anyone, just a joke for the sake of reading and entertainment)

Pay Rise

I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina
"Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way... you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions" (Aristotle)


statesville

  • EXPERT
  • ***
  • Posts: 3339
  • The best daily exercise -- walk with the Lord.
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #166 on: May 29, 2010, 09:17:25 AM »
He he, I'm still far from being 77 but I guess I'll do the same. It's easier to find a beautiful woman than a talking frog. ;D

Hahaha, okey Hubag layo-layo pa gyud imong biyahe so hala
    enjoy ka lang sa daghang beauty on the way
Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.


hofelina

  • DONOR
  • GURU
  • *****
  • Posts: 10009
  • Always look at the bright side of life!
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #167 on: May 29, 2010, 02:04:22 PM »
wolfie, adunay german version ni-ani paramoot jamo!


hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #168 on: May 29, 2010, 02:31:32 PM »
Hahaha, okey Hubag layo-layo pa gyud imong biyahe so hala
    enjoy ka lang sa daghang beauty on the way

Thanks, Ms. States. Dili lang gud pangitaon, kon naa lay maagian... ;D
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #169 on: May 29, 2010, 02:41:22 PM »
( I think this is funny, no offense to anyone, just a joke for the sake of reading and entertainment)

Pay Rise

I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

Bwahaha! The way I see it, dehado si P. Niss ni V. Gina sa argumento. Well, kon gahig ulo (he he) si P. Niss, basin mabiktima sija sa evil self ni V. Gina, si V. Ginismus! ;D
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

windgate

  • EXPERT
  • ***
  • Posts: 1097
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #170 on: May 29, 2010, 02:47:26 PM »
Thanks, Ms. States. Dili lang gud pangitaon, kon naa lay maagian... ;D
Bwahaha! The way I see it, dehado si P. Niss ni V. Gina sa argumento. Well, kon gahig ulo (he he) si P. Niss, basin mabiktima sija sa evil self ni V. Gina, si V. Ginismus! ;D

aw patambaw lang kang dr. C. Felis  :)

way_paki

  • STUDENT
  • *
  • Posts: 270
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #171 on: May 29, 2010, 06:33:27 PM »
A Filipino is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and Jam) when an American man; chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Filipino Ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a  conversation.

American: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread?"  Filipino (coolly): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Philippines."

The American has a smirk on his face.    The Filipino munches on... Gives a cold Look but did not reply.

The American refuses to take the cue and Persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Filipino: "Of Course.."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, and then we put all the peels, seeds, and left overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."   

The Filipino puts his coffee mug down...looks straight In the American's eye and then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.

Filipino: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used  them?"

American: "We throw them away, of course."

Filipino: "We don't. In the Philippines, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.

*No offense meant, huh! This is just a joke... ;D ;D ;D

statesville

  • EXPERT
  • ***
  • Posts: 3339
  • The best daily exercise -- walk with the Lord.
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #172 on: May 30, 2010, 10:01:12 AM »
whew! dah usab ka pa dinha, sigi kang usap sa
     used and recycled pa gyud nga biya sa mga pinoys...hahahahah

here's more;
The church held a "Marriage Seminar" and the Priest asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary
    approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married
    to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to his audience, "Well, I tried to treat her well and spend money on her.
    But the best thing I did was take her to Italy for our 20th anniversary."

The Priest said "Luigi, you are an inspiration to all husbands here today.
  Please tell the audience what you plan for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied "I'm gonna go and get her,  I left her in Italy"

Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.

hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #173 on: May 30, 2010, 10:43:59 AM »
whew! dah usab ka pa dinha, sigi kang usap sa
     used and recycled pa gyud nga biya sa mga pinoys...hahahahah

here's more;
The church held a "Marriage Seminar" and the Priest asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary
    approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married
    to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to his audience, "Well, I tried to treat her well and spend money on her.
    But the best thing I did was take her to Italy for our 20th anniversary."

The Priest said "Luigi, you are an inspiration to all husbands here today.
  Please tell the audience what you plan for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied "I'm gonna go and get her,  I left her in Italy"



Bwahaha! Lahi pud ning iyang kabuang sa kang Carlos, he he... ;D
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

aquarius

  • STUDENT
  • *
  • Posts: 409
  • bol-anon ang punoan..
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #174 on: June 01, 2010, 09:42:51 AM »
******

Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.
Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!

*****
Pangutana: ikompara sa "load" sa cellphone, unsay kalahian sa girlfriend, call girl ug asawa?

Tubag: ang girlfriend -Post paid, call girl -pre-paid ug asawa - unlimited (hehehehhe)


******

listen to others even the dull and ignorant , they too have their story... desiderata

bugsay

  • DIPLOMAT
  • GURU
  • *****
  • Posts: 10604
  • βυγσαψ
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #175 on: June 01, 2010, 09:51:49 AM »
******

Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.
Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!

*****
Pangutana: ikompara sa "load" sa cellphone, unsay kalahian sa girlfriend, call girl ug asawa?

Tubag: ang girlfriend -Post paid, call girl -pre-paid ug asawa - unlimited (hehehehhe)


******

kabit - pasa load......bwahehehehehe
βυγσαψ

hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #176 on: June 01, 2010, 12:11:26 PM »
kabit - pasa load......bwahehehehehe

Bwahaha! Paet... :P
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

hubag bohol

  • AMBASSADOR
  • THE SOURCE
  • *****
  • Posts: 88400
  • "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #177 on: June 01, 2010, 12:12:58 PM »

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?!"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That 's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT  UP?!"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

;D
 
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

Lorenzo

  • SUPREME COURT
  • THE LEGEND
  • *****
  • Posts: 54227
  • Be the change you want to see in the world...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #178 on: June 01, 2010, 12:17:10 PM »
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”





 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Lorenzo

  • SUPREME COURT
  • THE LEGEND
  • *****
  • Posts: 54227
  • Be the change you want to see in the world...
Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #179 on: June 01, 2010, 12:24:33 PM »
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A hematologist pricks your finger.


 ;D

 

ESET Antivirus and Internet Security for Mac computers and laptops - Save 25%
Mobile View
SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2017, SimplePortal