Taking Instructions
Globalization may be a boon. It makes for a faster and freer flow of goods and services between countries and opens the floodgates of competition to the advantage of consumers.
Amazing. Tomatoes from Taiwan can be had for one-third the price of tomatoes from Baguio. And containerized cargo from China costs only a fifth of the price of transporting a similar cargo from Manila to Cebu, I found out in disbelief.
The fact is end-users can now have better and cheaper goods and services, and more choices. But caveat emptor! Consumers who depend on language to tell the best and safest way to use a product are in for a surprise. Goods may flow faster, but it looks like language has been left behind.
I see a contraption for hot oil shampoo on a shelf in a department store.
Fucction: It can improve hair assimilating in the suitable temperature. Using way is handy, insert power supply again put on electric cap is good. Leaving overall zipped down and stripped can be washed, the blurb on its box declares.
Okay, okay. So this handy, washable electric cap that can improve my hair should be plugged. But how does one zip down and strip at the same time her overalls?
A hot oil shampoo is one hair care ritual that I do myself. Having no contrivances like those found in beauty salons, I make do with warm towels or plastic bath caps. I would love this contraption and have to know how to use it.
Using Way, the title for the how-to says.
The first, hair processed slectionic hair oil treatment. Wrapped up the whole hair again put on electric cap. Now, now; if I have to wrap my head where my hair is, because this apparatus is for my crowning unglory to begin with, what is this ritual about having to wrap it twice?
The instruction goes on:
The two tapes end respectively pulled open again moving, fixed ring width can suitable completely. Ahhh, so the tape in the apparatus is adjustable, with both ends having rings that fit together. Not bad, not bad.
More tips:
Ex. It can be using after the power line in serted outlet, in winter, indoor temperature is the lower, it can insert power supply. I am literal when it comes to instructions for things that require electric current. Self-preservation requires that I should avoid holding the tiger by its tail. At this point, I was beginning to hear the tiger growl. In winter at that.
Put down the fixed ring after 15-20 minuters, again loosen the roe, then taker electric cap, but must remember pulling out the plug. Here comes the warning. I should unplug the electric wire that connects the apparatus, what else. But how to put down the rings after 15-20 minutes and loosen the roe of the catfish that are jumping as high as the sky? I am complicating my life.
Washed hair with wammer water, if washed hair, must washing with pomade. I want to cry. If I have to wash my hair with warm water, must I use pomade? And by the way, is pomade still available in the market fortysomething years after Elvis Presley, whose hair looked cared for and licked by a loving Mama cow?
At last, dride hair with the ordinary way again mended the type. Ahem. At last, indeed. My hair can be dried the old-fashioned way, which starts with a towel and ends by letting the tropical weather do its job. But I wondered what it is that I have to mend; my hair, the type of breeze, or the holes in my socks.
Thankfully, the manufacturer of this hair care aid had the safety of its buyer in mind. Under the heading
Notes were warnings and maintenance tips.
Hair can’t have hairpin or meedle for preventing electric current, the notes begin.
Cant wrumple up a electric cap into a ball again. Binded with electric line. Don’t washing directly after using. It wipe the shroud with wet clothes. Overall can wash lightly with wammer water (in 40°C) and can’t wash with washing machine, so prven from becoming deformed. At least, the temperature was easy to understand. I’ve always preferred the metric centigrade to the English Fahrenheit.
I was left with a choice. I can buy the contraption or end up with a purchase I’d regret. The electric gadget looked like an oversized Jacqueline Kennedy pillbox hat when Elvis Presley was still around. A hair care expert may teach me its use but I would need an electrical engineer too. Otherwise, I imagined following Queen Nefertiti with her fabulous headdress.
Thought it was better to just take down the instructions, pure and unadulterated. I was writing when a customer asked me where the hair clips are. Serves me right for enjoying an unusual read instead of buying something. Please ask a salesgirl; I’m the supervisor here, I answered. I think she believed me as much as I believed the instructions I was copying.
A.M.B. Apalisok
Stings from the Wild
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Topic: The Globalized Tongue 1 (Read 1113 times)