There are 3 elements every relationship needs
if it's going to LAST.
Do you know what these 3 critical elements
are?
I'll give you a second to think about it.
..
..
Give up?
The 3 critical elements that you MUST HAVE
between you and a man if you want a loving,
lasting, and secure relationship are:
Element #1 - An Intense Level Of Attraction Call it "chemistry".
Call it a spark.
Call it whatever you like... but if a man
doesn't "feel it" for you when it comes to this
magic something of chemistry and attraction...
then NOTHING ELSE you say or do will matter.
And I mean NOTHING ELSE matters.
You can try and say all the right things.
You can think about him all the time.
And you can do amazing things for him that
no other woman could ever know to do for him
in his life...
But if that gut-level ATTRACTION isn't there
that tells him deep down inside that he HAS to
be with you tonight and every other night... then
there isn't much you can do to change his mind
or make him feel differently and really and
truly want you.
A man MUST feel a level of attraction for
you that goes DEEPER than just the common and
"Physical Attraction" a man can experience for
a woman that quickly comes and goes, but can
seem so "real".
Unfortunately, lots of women make 2 mistakes
when it comes to attraction with men that keep
them from ever being able to get past those
critical early dating stages where a man will
become more emotionally attached and involved
with a woman.
These 2 mistakes are:
-Trying to get a man's interest and attention
by using the fast, fun, and easy approach to
create "Physical Attraction" inside a man (which
never does last)
-Not knowing how that deeper level of what I
call "Emotional Attraction" works inside a man's
mind that will make him want to emotionally
open up and engage with you
These mistakes are the two most common and
certain ways to make sure your love life will
go nowhere fast with men... even when you have
the best of intentions and just want to find
a great guy to love and love you back.
There's a simple truth you need to know...
If you don't know how attraction works for
a man, and how it works differently than how it
works for most women... then you're going to end
up running in circles trying to do what you think
will work.
And in your attempts at getting a man to
like you and want to be with you... you're going
to end up pushing him away as he sees you as
desperate, "needy", clingy, or just plain overly
emotional.
The worst part is, there are a lot of smart
women out there who are really great women who
actually know on a conscious level about these
mistakes... but they just can't help but make
these same mistakes over and over anyway.
But smart women who seem to have a more natural
knack for talking to men, getting their interest,
and having men see them as "cool" and desirable
have a way of being able to AVOID these mistakes
and are NEVER seen as desperate, too needy, or
generally UNATTRACTIVE when it comes to how they
act and feel on an emotional level around men.
Element #2 - "Emotional Engagement" I probably don't have to tell you that most
men, when you're in a relationship with them,
won't be constantly seeking to know about and
understand how you feel.
Although it would be nice if your man would
be this way.
Instead, most men start to actually TUNE OUT
the woman they're with when they start to sense
or see a lot of emotions they don't understand.
It's most men's natural response.
To withdraw from intense emotions that can
lead to conflict with a woman.
Knowing this, are you accidentally helping
your man to withdraw from you?
Think about it for a second.
Now, let me ask you...
Do you know what it is that either makes
a man open up and be excited to really LISTEN
to you and UNDERSTAND what you're feeling and
going through... or shut down when he sees
how you're feeling inside?
And do you know what makes a man see your
desire to talk and share your feelings as
evidence that you're emotionally unhealthy
and the kind of woman who would only be more
trouble and irritation than she's worth?
Here's something that might blow your mind...
Did you know that you can say the exact SAME
THING to a man at different times, and you'll
get completely different responses from him?
And this isn't just because of his mood.
The reality is that there is one significant
thing that makes all the difference in the world
when it comes to how a man sees, feels, and
RESPONDS to the way you talk and share with him...
And that's the level to which he is EMOTIONALLY
ENGAGED with you when you're talking.
Let me explain...
One of the most common ways that women end up
accidentally causing a man to close off and
WITHDRAW from them is when a man doesn't know
about, see, or understand what a women is going
through and feeling...
And then the woman gets MORE UPSET and
frustrated with him at the fact that he doesn't
seem to see or respond to her, and so SHE
closes off.
I know this is something you've experienced
over and over with men (and made some of the
same mistakes again and again in each situation)
Something happens between you and a man,
and you get that feeling in the pit of your
stomach you just can't ignore.
You know that something is "off" and not
right... and it sends your intuition and your
imagination running.
As the flood of emotions hit you, and you
FEEL what's going on throughout your body, you
want the man to both see and understand why
you would feel this way...
And you want him to UNDERSTAND you and the
way that you're feeling.
Of course, this isn't at all what most men
are going through in their emotional process.
They're often thinking... "I have NO IDEA
why she's acting this way, or what it's about,
but I don't like it and it feels awful. What is
her problem? And why is she freaking out so
much. What a nightmare. I want this to go away."
Long story short, what started off as a
misunderstanding and a situation where you
simply didn't feel good about something in the
moment, and you wanted him to see it and
respond... turned out to be something that
caused a huge DISCONNECT between you two.
And your emotional experiences led both you
AND him to feel distant and frustrated with
each other in a way that kept you from being
able to be close and feel ENGAGED in your
feelings together.
Of course, on the other hand, if you know
how to COMMUNICATE with a man... and you know
how to get him to LISTEN and RESPOND to you
in a positive way that shows that he hears
and APPRECIATES your feelings...
Then these entire situations actually
become moments where you and a man GROW CLOSER
and learn more amazing things about each other
that build your love and attraction.
Element #3 - "Effortless Communication" How hard is it to talk to your boyfriend?
Is it harder than you know it should be?
At the core of a healthy relationship is
the trust and knowledge by both partners that
the other is going to listen with patience and
respect...
And that there's enough trust so that it's
OK to share the truth of what's really happening
in each others lives.
If you don't have open communication, then you
by definition don't have HONESTY.
And if you don't have honesty, you by
definition don't have a relationship that you can
count on as secure and "connected."
Here's something that you might be going through
if you're not experiencing the level of open honesty
you know your relationship needs...
Do you ever sit there and realize that
you and your man share less with each other than
you probably share with your friends about how
you're both thinking and feeling inside?
Are you ever scared to say what you REALLY
think and feel to the man in your life?
And have you ever found out about things
that are going on for a man that you're with
and what's going on in your relationship
from someone else who hardly knows him?
Isn't a man supposed to be closer, more open,
and more honest with you than anyone else about
what's going on for him in your relationship
with you?
The answer is yes, he is.
You're supposed to be able to be closer and
more open and honest with the man in your life
than with anyone else.
But for lots of women it just doesn't work
this way.
Oftentimes you, as the girlfriend, are the
VERY LAST person to find out what's REALLY going
on inside the mind of the man you're with.
And it's enough to make you want to scream.
Not to mention the embarrassment that you
feel realizing that everyone else might have
known what was going on with him but you...
and they just sat there and watched and said
nothing.
It can make you feel like a real fool.
But how is it that other couples, and other
women have men and relationships in their lives
where the man they're with can and does tell
them ANYTHING and EVERYTHING going on with him
first... and shares and confides in them as
close and loving partners are supposed to?
Well, I have to be the one to break the bad
news to you...
But if you haven't had this kind of open,
honest, and "effortless" communication between
you and your man in the past where you can and
do tell each other anything...
Or you don't have it now...
Then guess who's fault that is?
It's YOUR FAULT.
Period. End of story.
Because you, and only you, have the power and
the responsibility to create your relationship
and make it what you want.
Especially if you're the one who's more "tuned
in" to what might be a problem around
communication in your relationship.
Want to know something fascinating that makes
life and relationships a whole lot easier?
*Good communication attracts and inspires good
communication in return.
Or to say it another way...
If you're not having the kind of open and
honest connection with your man that you want and
need, then you have to start to realize that the
only measure of how well YOU are communicating is
the RESPONSE that you get.
It's tough to accept at first, and it feels
unfair when your boyfriend isn't doing his part...
But once you take RESPONSIBILITY for bringing
the right words and the right kind of talking and
sharing into your relationship...
Your relationship will instantly shift all on
it's own - simply because you've brought more of
what your relationship needs.
So here's the question...
Can you take 100% responsibility for the way
you communicate to the man in your life?
Or are you still wrapped up in blaming him,
trying to show him how he's hurting you, or
with reacting to what you think is wrong rather
than trying to get to what is right?
I'll give you a second to think about what
you and the way your talking and reacting to
your man is bringing into your relationship.
..
..
Now, if you've had several relationships in
your life where the level of communication you
shared was AWFUL, and you found out about all the
important things going on inside your man's mind
after the fact when it was too late and you were
breaking up...
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Topic: 3 Qualities In You A Man Will Go Wild For (Read 1480 times)