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In selecting a partner, we unconsciously choose our ideal mate based in part on the experiences we have with the people who take care of us during our childhood.

That unconscious experience or picture is the reason that we could put two people of the opposite sex in a room feel more attraction to one than the other. According to Harville Hendrix, co-founder of Imago Relationships International, which focuses on a new model of communicating in relationships, "It is the unconscious image that ignites romantic love."

Have You Found Your Soul Mate?

The initial romantic phase allows us to feel euphoric and that we have found our "soul mate." In reality, however, we are not only attracted unconsciously to positive characteristics, we are also unconsciously attracted to negative characteristics. It's as if a part of our brain says, "I recognize this form of dysfunction."

When we go into real life struggles and the euphoric chemicals in our brain normalize, the relationship will transform into a conflict stage. This is normal couplehood.

This is the point in the relationship that couples can grow apart and become parallel; they can learn to problem-solve together; they can decide to end the relationship; or they can learn to understand each other's past and bring healing and wholeness to one another's present.

Safety in Communication

When a couple learns to have safety in communication, they are able to understand their partner's childhood wounding. This understanding and empathy allows us to want to make real changes that will contribute to our partner's well-being. This becomes a two-way gift that brings healing from the past and a deep level of intimacy and energy to a relationship.

Most of us were not taught the skills to have this level of safe communication. If your relationship is struggling, don't wait to get help. Find a counselor who can teach you specific communication tools to give your relationship true quality.

Linda Miller-deBerard is a writer for Yodle, a business directory and online advertising company. Find an Expert Guide or more Mental Health articles at Yodle Consumer Guide.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Miller-DeBerard



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