Author Topic: Your naughty joke for the day  (Read 60523 times)

Lollapalooza

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luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #201 on: September 18, 2010, 06:10:12 PM »
 ;Dhmm... paralubot cguro ni c bay hubs.... peace

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;)

wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #202 on: September 18, 2010, 09:42:03 PM »
Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 


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bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #203 on: September 19, 2010, 01:59:59 AM »
Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 
bwahahahaha. be strong honey. almoranas is on the way.

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #204 on: September 19, 2010, 03:07:33 AM »
bwahahahaha. be strong honey. almoranas is on the way.
hahahahhaha Nyor...murag gisilian og siling labujo,

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luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #205 on: September 19, 2010, 06:24:25 PM »
;)

statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #206 on: September 21, 2010, 01:46:34 AM »
Mother: Come on Sonny, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
John: Ahh Mom, do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
John: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 34 and you are  the Principal!

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #207 on: September 21, 2010, 07:07:46 AM »
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #208 on: September 21, 2010, 02:06:07 PM »
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Bwahaha! Kahinumdom lang hinuon ko ani sa conversation between father and son:

Anak (excited): Dad, dad! Nakasuway na jud kog sex!
Amahan (excited pud): Kanay anak! Liwat jud sa amahan! High school pa gani barako na! Sigi, dali mag-inom ta. Kon pwede na kag sex, pwede na pud kang moinom.
Anak: Sunod na lang, Dad. Sakit pa akong lubot.

 :P

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Chongki

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #209 on: September 22, 2010, 01:34:13 AM »

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bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #210 on: September 22, 2010, 03:26:33 AM »
in an english class:

teacher: class who among you here can use dermatologist in a sentence.

a complete silence in the classroom. the teacher got annoyed when no one voluntered. she then decided to just call a student. she selected the takyo the least among her students.

teacher: takyo, use dermatologist in a sentence.

takyo: ah, me maam?

teacher: yes, please stand up and answer.

takyo: ok. dermatologist.
          dear ma, tulo diyes na ang itlog. ang dagko 4 diyes.

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #211 on: September 24, 2010, 11:31:35 AM »
Bwahaha! Kahinumdom lang hinuon ko ani sa conversation between father and son:

Anak (excited): Dad, dad! Nakasuway na jud kog sex!
Amahan (excited pud): Kanay anak! Liwat jud sa amahan! High school pa gani barako na! Sigi, dali mag-inom ta. Kon pwede na kag sex, pwede na pud kang moinom.
Anak: Sunod na lang, Dad. Sakit pa akong lubot.

 :P
Hahahahhaahah Toink!

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vhinz08

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #212 on: October 08, 2010, 12:55:52 AM »
(joke lang ni Bay Bolbs ha!)   :)


Anak:  (gamay ug tingog)  Tay, tay nganong ing-ani man akong tingog tay.   ???
Tatay: (gamay pod ug tingog)  Ing-ana na  anak pag dili pa tuli.    ;D ;D ;D
Anak:   :-\


 :-X


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luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #213 on: October 08, 2010, 08:55:58 AM »
bwahahahaha. be strong honey. almoranas is on the way.

Bwahahahahahaha..... ;D ;D ;D ka-cute sa ilang I love you... igo nang pantambal sa almoranas nga moabot

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;)

luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #214 on: October 08, 2010, 09:06:42 AM »
See, who's the boss..

 A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means
business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?! "

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four
weeks pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks,
  "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
    "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


bahahahahahaha........bulok na CEO, wala magresearch... hehehehe... so impulsive

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;)

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jorgeanna

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #215 on: October 08, 2010, 10:18:18 AM »
Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."

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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #216 on: October 09, 2010, 12:21:05 PM »
Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."

He he, mas nindot paminawon ang Bisaya version...

LAKI : Day, manan-aw tag sine!
BAJE : Unja, di ka mangagbay? Di ka manghawok? Di ka mangumot og totoy?  Di ka manguot og bisong?
LAKI : Di oi!!!
BAJE : Ngee…. Ikaw na lay tan-aw!!!


Bwahaha! ;D

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #217 on: October 10, 2010, 01:47:11 AM »
Uso ang tulis sa Datu Paglas, Maguindanao. Ang mga jeep tulison og -irape ang mga babaye.

Tulisan 1 :  Tanang Babaye dire sa wala, lalaki sa tuo
(Sunod tanang babaye, kurog pa)
Tulisan 2: Oh ikaw Lola wala na kay labot dito ka sa tuo
Lola:      Wala ka kadungog, tanang baje kuno sa wala. 





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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #218 on: October 10, 2010, 08:01:50 AM »
Uso ang tulis sa Datu Paglas, Maguindanao. Ang mga jeep tulison og -irape ang mga babaye.

Tulisan 1 :  Tanang Babaye dire sa wala, lalaki sa tuo
(Sunod tanang babaye, kurog pa)
Tulisan 2: Oh ikaw Lola wala na kay labot dito ka sa tuo
Lola:      Wala ka kadungog, tanang baje kuno sa wala. 

Bitaw pud. Kanus-a pa gud intawon mausab nga maapil sa tulis si Lola...  :-X

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fdaray

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #219 on: October 10, 2010, 08:15:35 AM »
Usa ka madre ge rape.
Rapist: Rape ne. Hubo.
Madre: Tabaaaaang, samtang gihukas
           niya ang senina.
Rapist:Way lihok.
Madre: Misiagit ug "ayaaaaw"
Rapist: Unsay ayaw?
Madre: Ayaw ug dugayaaaaa, aron kama
           second round pa ka.

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Mulligan

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #220 on: October 10, 2010, 08:19:17 AM »

Pagka bogay nga madre sir FD !!!   ;D

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Mulligan

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #221 on: October 10, 2010, 08:23:31 AM »

Hehe.     ;D

Abe ni Lola ug pan ang iyang one toy este twotoy.   ;D

******


Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.
Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!

(hehehehhe) [/color]

******



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Mulligan

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #222 on: October 10, 2010, 08:29:08 AM »

Tapulan nga bana gisugo sa iyang asawa:

Asawa.......:    Pag sag-ob sag tubig didto Tikyo.
Bana.........:    Di ko, kapoy ko.
Asawa.......:    Pag sag-ob lage kay mag loving loving ta !
Bana.........:    Aw, balde be, agpas !!!   ;D






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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #223 on: October 10, 2010, 08:37:00 AM »
Bitaw pud. Kanus-a pa gud intawon mausab nga maapil sa tulis si Lola...  :-X
Gusto pod intawon ni Lola nga moambit og grasya maskin pinugos..

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Mulligan

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #224 on: October 10, 2010, 08:37:20 AM »

Bwahaha.  ;D

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

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bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #225 on: October 11, 2010, 03:40:45 AM »
usa ka muslim nibisita sa usa ka lugar. nagsakay ug trak de pasaheroan ug naa sa front seat naglingkod.

muslim: kahinay modagan sa mga trak dinhi maihap man ang tawo inig agi.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: hinaya pud oi maihap pa man mga balay.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: kahinay pud ani oi maihap pa man mga lubi.
driver: (nisamot kalagot nga nakadungog sa gipangyawyaw ug gipatudahan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak hangtud nga nabangga.)

nabuhi ang driver  ug ang muslim.

driver: sa imong kayawyawan nabangga na nuon. unya unsa na, hinay pa gihapon?
muslim: hinay gihapon mga igso, maihap pa man ang mga patay.

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luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #226 on: October 11, 2010, 07:29:14 AM »
usa ka muslim nibisita sa usa ka lugar. nagsakay ug trak de pasaheroan ug naa sa front seat naglingkod.

muslim: kahinay modagan sa mga trak dinhi maihap man ang tawo inig agi.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: hinaya pud oi maihap pa man mga balay.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: kahinay pud ani oi maihap pa man mga lubi.
driver: (nisamot kalagot nga nakadungog sa gipangyawyaw ug gipatudahan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak hangtud nga nabangga.)

nabuhi ang driver  ug ang muslim.

driver: sa imong kayawyawan nabangga na nuon. unya unsa na, hinay pa gihapon?
muslim: hinay gihapon mga igso, maihap pa man ang mga patay.

 :o :o :o

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;)

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #227 on: October 11, 2010, 10:42:29 AM »
Customer: Do you have any cockroaches?

Clerk: Yes, we sell them to the fisherman.

Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.

Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?

Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.

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Mapagbigay

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #228 on: October 14, 2010, 02:11:47 AM »
A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "Were not trying to find out anything. She is married and we cant go to her house. I am married and we cant go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctors office."


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luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #229 on: October 14, 2010, 06:28:34 AM »
A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "Were not trying to find out anything. She is married and we cant go to her house. I am married and we cant go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctors office."


Bwahahahahaha....... ;D ;D ;D
On tight budget diay si lolo.

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;)

hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #230 on: October 14, 2010, 08:18:43 AM »
Bwahahahahaha....... ;D ;D ;D
On tight budget diay si lolo.

Basin gusto pud naay audience...  ::)

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luckybelle

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #231 on: October 14, 2010, 07:32:13 PM »
Basin gusto pud naay audience...  ::)

Mao

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;)

jorgeanna

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #232 on: October 16, 2010, 05:14:30 PM »
ANAK: tay! sino mas mahal mo, ako o si nanay?

TATAY: syempre ikaw anak.....

ANAK: kaya pala kapag madaling araw,
ako po ay kinukumutan niyo
at si nanay naman po ay
hinuhubaran niyo......
sweet niyo tlga tay, a lab u....

aja aja aja ahehehehe
 


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jorgeanna

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #233 on: October 16, 2010, 05:16:52 PM »
GIRL:mag-69 tayo dear !
BOY:pano yun?
GIRL:ganito lang...
(pmwesto n cla at bglang nautot ang girl ng 4 times):
BOY:ayoko na!DI KO N KYA UNG NATITIRANG 65

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jorgeanna

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #234 on: October 18, 2010, 07:08:55 PM »
A man and woman are riding up in an elevator.
The man looks at the woman and says, "Can I smell your pussy? "
She replies, "Hell no! "
The man says, "Well, it must be your feet then. "


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jorgeanna

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #235 on: October 18, 2010, 07:09:50 PM »
A little old lady shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy asks the salesperson "do you sell vibrators ". Surprised by the request, the sales person says yes! The little old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the damn things off! "


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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #236 on: October 18, 2010, 07:49:29 PM »
A married man was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday, she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped. "His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it... she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!'"

 ;D

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BolBuhol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #237 on: October 18, 2010, 08:30:34 PM »
Sang nagligad nga adlaw ang isa ka Iloy ginamulay nia ang iya nga bata...

HAMBAL SANG ILOY: Lampingasan ka gid nga bata, lamon nga lamon ka lang kabudlay sa imo suguon.
SABAT SANG BATA: Nay, kon ang baboy gani damo makaon nalipay ka. Sin-o gid bala bata mo, Nay? Ako o kon ang     
                             baboy?


------------------------------------

isa ka adlaw may duha ka mag-abyan nga boholano kag ilonggo ang nagkitaay sa downtown sang tagbilaram city.samtang nagalakat sila sa kalsada siling sa isa ay

ILONGGO: Parts bal-an mo didto sa amon ya sa Bacolod kada pusod ya may ara pulis mong...
BOLAMON: Ay minos na imo sa inyoha to,  kay diri sa amoa sa bohol kada pulis may naa pusod.   ;D ;D ;D

-----------------------------------

IDO 1: Migs, hambal nila ang laway 'ta kuno may rabies! Kag pwede ka mapatay sa rabies.
IDO 2: Te, ano ang problema sina?
IDO 1: Natulon ko ang laway ko! Amo ina nga gina kulbaan na ako.






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fdaray

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #238 on: October 18, 2010, 08:34:47 PM »
Ha..., ha ..., ha..., na lang sa inyo nga jokes.

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #239 on: October 18, 2010, 08:35:23 PM »
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

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